


Love Me Sweet

by redradioflyer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Aftercare, Bondage, M/M, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sensory Deprivation, safe word usage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 03:12:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redradioflyer/pseuds/redradioflyer





	Love Me Sweet

Al loves kink and is, perhaps, one of the dirtiest partners that Matt has ever had. He’s loud and demanding, and he loves both dominating and being submissive. Honestly he makes for quite a good submissive too. Mostly because he is defiant, and Matt has to punish him. Perhaps this could also be considered a flaw, but Al loves to be punished. 

For Matt it’s fun because it means he has to be creative, and he has to make his partner submit. It turns their play into a rather challenging game that leaves both of them breathless and undone by the end of it. Oh sure, they make love too, and they can be incredibly loving and gentle with each other.

But they definitely enjoy challenging each other and fighting for dominance.

Today, Al has submitted himself for some sensory deprivation and a bit of light punishment for his bad behavior last time they were together.

Al is excited about the prospect of it. He’s been tied down already and blindfolded. For the past few minutes Matt has been saying utterly filthy things and taunting him rather well, smacking a crop against his thighs. It took a solid minute of pleading to get the other to touch him the way he wanted, and even then, the touch was fleeting and not enough.

“Time to go further, I think,” Matt says in a low gruff voice, and Al feels the other putting their new noise cancelling ear muffs on him. They’d bought them recently, both agreeing that ear plugs are kind of gross and awkward to keep in during something like this. 

The first moment of wearing them is kind of surreal. Al tries to say something to Matt, a tease, but he can’t hear his own voice. That gives him a moment of vertigo, makes him tremble somewhat and gasp. The complete and utter quiet almost makes his ears ring, and as he’s trying to adjust, the crop comes down upon his thighs again. 

It’s the same teasing smack as before, the same swift sharp pain, but somehow it’s different now. Al is no longer safe in their bedroom- he’s 12 years old again right after asking out his first male crush. There are boys shoving him and pushing him, and then he’s on the ground. He honestly doesn’t remember this part well. It’s the next part that left an impression. 

When he’s on the ground, one of the boys kicks him so hard in the side of the head that his ears ring, and the some of the boys are grabbing him and holding him still while the others hit and kick him. He’s thrashing but it doesn’t help. He’s shouting, but he’s not even sure what he’s saying. Through the ringing in his ears, he’s only hearing noises, sounds that don’t make sense. He’s not even sure he’s making any meaningful words or if someone is coming to help him. He's squeezing his eyes shut to try and keep from getting dirt in them, so he can't even pinpoint if the other boys are even moving their mouths. 

After the fact, Al had thought that perhaps it was better- he hadn’t heard the homophobic taunts that way, didn't know who was even shouting. In the moment, that hadn’t made him feel better, and even now years and years later, he can almost taste the bile that rose in his throat as his attackers held him down and pummeled him. 

The sensory deprivation is making Al relive this old feeling of helplessness. He doesn’t feel comfortable or aroused anymore, a crescendo of  _not safe, not safe, not safe_ echoing in his head.

Unlike when he was a child, Al can’t hear anything at all now, and he’s not sure if his mouth even works. Desperation claws at his chest, and he remembers that there’s a word to make this stop, to make the silence and the darkness go away. He’s no longer just shouting in his head, in his memories. He’s screaming out loud now, though it makes no sound to him yet, yelling every combination of safe words and  _stop please_   _help_  that he can think of. Even when the headphones and blindfold are off, Al continues to shout and jerk at the ropes holding him still.  

Al is struggling so hard, in fact, that Matt can’t get the knots undone to let him free. Suddenly strong hands are on his face- but they aren’t firm. They’re gentle, thumbs sliding over his cheeks, and Matt is in front of him making eye contact with him. 

“Shhh, shhh, Al-baby look at me, c’mon look at me,” Matt says in a low soothing voice.

It takes Al a moment to focus- this is Matt, this is Matt. Al loves Matt. Matt is safe, and Matt will help him.

“Come on now, calm down so I can get you untied. Hold still for a minute so I can get the knots loose." 

“Alright, yes, okay yes,” Al says, holding as still as he can. His muscles tremble with the effort it takes to keep himself still.  When he finally feels his hands and feet are free, Al curls them in toward his body.

Then Matt is gently and slowly pulling him into his arms, waiting for Al to respond. Matt isn’t rough or forceful, and after a moment, Al hiccups and moves to latch onto him. Al trembles in his arms, and he tries not to cry as he calms himself down. Matt quietly lets him get the initial feelings out- he realizes, perhaps, that Al will start to cry if pushed to talk. Instead, Matt massages at his back and strokes his hair, soothing him with gentle touches.

Gradually, Al relaxes into his arms and lets out a long low sound of relief.

“Thank you Matt,” he mumbles softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Matt murmurs back. “Tell me what happened. I need to know how you felt so it doesn’t happen again.”

“Alright,” Al says softly, and then he describes what he remembered. He tells him how he associated both the loss of hearing, sight, and of movement all at once with a rather savage beating he’d received that sent him to the hospital when he was a kid. “I didn’t realize,” Al admits after he’s finished describing exactly what was going through his head. “That it’d drag that up. That was pretty long ago, ya know? I guess it was the combo of not being able to hear well and not being able to move and…” 

After talking his way through it and having Matt kiss and stroke and coddle him, Al feels a lot better. He’s relaxed, and the desperation and fear are gone completely. Then he looks up into Matt’s eyes, and he realizes for the first time that Matt needs some aftercare too.  

There is fear and guilt and shame in his lover’s face, and Al knows he needs to help Matt overcome that. 

“Babe,” Al says as he leans up to kiss his lips sweetly. “You handled things so well. I’m sure I freaked you out, didn’t I?”

At the sweetness, Matt trembles and hugs Al closer. “I never want to hurt you,” Matt says softly, and his voice sounds strained and upset. “I know we argue a lot and do all that BDSM stuff, but I’d never ever want to hurt you _like that_.”

Al presses his lips to Matt’s cheeks and jaw, gentle sweet kisses that make his lover relax a little. “I know babe, I know. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“S’not your fault,” Matt says softly. “It was terrible, seeing and hearing you suddenly so frightened and horrified. I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to feel like I did that to you.”

“You didn’t,” Al assures him, pausing to capture his lips in a slow kiss. “You didn’t hurt me babe. Those kids hurt me. I just got reminded of it, and you couldn’t have seen that coming. Hell, **_I_** didn’t even see it coming.”

Matt smiles just a bit, and Al cups his cheek.  

“If it had been anyone else, it would’ve taken me much longer to calm down ya know?” Al says. “When you looked into my eyes like that I kept thinking ‘it’s Matt, Matt’ll help me, I trust Matt.’ And you did help me, and you took care of me. S’more than I deserve.”

“I never know why you feel that way,” Matt says, voice gruff, as he moves to nuzzle his face in against Al’s neck. “You deserve much better than all the shit the world throws at you.”

Al tangles their legs together and rubs Matt’s back. “Guess they sent you to make up for that stuff then~ I could put up a lot just to be the one falling down into bed with you~”

During the moments after their intimacy, it’s when they’re the sweetest to each other. They know how important they are to each other, but usually they don’t talk about it all that much. Still, they always reaffirm it after particularly strenuous scenes. Today’s play had been unintentionally emotional and rough, and they need all these gentle words of reassurance. Neither of them are stingy with those loving sentiments in those quiet moments after their domination play.

Still, this makes Matt snort. “Sounds like you’re trying to get into my pants when you use a line like that.”

“It’s not a line. It’s true.” Al grins. “Though getting in your pants would be really nice.”

“Ridiculous,” Matt says. His hands are wandering in a vague way over Al’s skin now, as though he needs to reassure himself that Al is no longer trembling or tense.

“Naw,” Al says, and he kisses Matt’s hair.

“Let’s take a bath together…” Matt mumbles, cheeks going a bit red.  

“You wanna cuddle up close in nice warm water and maybe kiss a little?”

“Yeah, I really could go for a thing like that right now.” Matt pulls back enough to take Al’s face in his hands again and look into his eyes. “S’good fun.”  

There’s a question there in his eyes, and Al realizes the other is trying to make sure that he’ll find this relaxing and calming as well. Al nudges his nose against Matt’s and smiles at him. “It’d be great,” he says. “Let’s go snuggle.”

“Okay cool,” Matt replies, but he gently presses Al back first to give him several more lingering slow kisses, trying to put every ounce of affection into it as he can. Al responds in kind, and all his fear and hurt from the accident before is utterly forgotten about in a haze of gentle kisses and softly spoken words of love. 

— 

Matt finds a bouquet of flowers on his pillow when he comes home from work one day. The card has no name, but it contains a few short lines of verse in Al’s distinctive handwriting. 

_the road is long_   
_and I am weak_   
_so darling dear_   
_please love me sweet_

Matt smiles at the words, and he tucks the card away to keep. He’d make Al dinner tonight and take him to bed. They hadn’t had sex or made love since Al had gotten upset the week before, and Matt understands that- Al is trying to reestablish equilibrium and balance and feel like he has control over his body. Matt knows how much trust and comfort it takes for Al to put himself under someone else's control. This note though- Matt knows what it means too. It's Al's way to say that he's ready to be intimate again. Matt is well aware that the other doesn’t blame him for what happened, but he wants to make it up to him. A nice slow passionate love making would do the trick, he thinks.

To show Al in all the ways that he’s often too shy to say out loud just how dear he really is to him. 


End file.
